I took a little time out today to do something that brings me joy...

I bought a pattern for this cute little tote a while back, along with the fabric and had not yet had a chance to sew it up.  So this afternoon I did.  I think it came out pretty cute   If I do say so myself.

Then Hannah wanted to take my picture with it too.

I got the pattern from Connecting Treads, it is called Desk Deli Tote, it is supposed to be a lunch tote, comes with directions to make a matching napkin too.  But given that as a stay at home mommy I don't tote my lunch many places, I thought it would be a cute fallish purse.

I had a rough week lots of frustration and discouragement. 

But worship service this morning was a balm for my dry weary soul. Pastor spoke on God's Gift of Joy.  It was one of those weeks where I felt like he was talking straight to me.

There are so many things in this world that can steal our joy but we need to take the time to be refreshed, to sit at the feet of Jesus and let him pour His joy into us.

"I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete."  John 15:11 NIV

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.
John 10:10

Its been a week of harvest/fall/halloween celebrations.  It started off on Wednesday as Ryan had his party at boy scouts that night.  The following night Mikayla had her party at girl scouts.  She was very happy to win "silliest costume" with her Hatching Egg costume. 

Friday was of course their parties at school.  Mikayla was quite put out on Thursday afternoon as she reported to me that they had lost their halloween party because of bad behavior, not her specifically of course but the class has a whole.  Friday after school she came running up the driveway goodies in hand beaming from ear to ear, declaring it was "The best day EVER!"  I take it you had your party after all.  "Yes!" Her teacher had ruled it unfair as it had been a substitue teacher that took away the party, and he didn't see the behavior therefore overruled and gave them the party anyway.  She also won a goodie basket in music class for winning a trivia contest.

Tonight we headed to church for the annual harvest/hallelujah bash.  I much perfer this to trick or treating anyway.  Pizza, candy, games, hanging out with the "Housewives"....what could be better?

Mikayla as a "Hatching Egg", Ryan as "Megatron" (one of the Transformers) and Hannah as none other than "Hannah Montana" of course.

One of the cutest moments was when Abbi, one of Hannah's best friends arrived and Hannah said, "So Abbi, what are you?"  Abbi was "Bible Girl".

I was the elected birthday cake baker for Laura's birthday.  I had fun making it, Makenna and Hannah enjoyed watching, and getting to lick the beaters after I made the frosting.  Makenna was pretty funny when she reentered the kitchen as I was just finished the cake, "Oh Aunt Amy, I love the cake!  It's incredible!"  I burst out laughing.  Thanks Makenna, I'm glad you like it!  I was happy my sister liked it too, since it was her cake and all.

Ryan was quite concerned to realize it was Aunt Laura's birthday.  "I need to find her a gift!"  He exclaimed a strip of leftover Sponage Bob wrapping paper in hand from his birthday last week.  I sorta laughed and shrugged him off, going about getting dinner on the table.  Later in the evening I laughed to see a lumpy looking packed wrapped in Sponage Bob paper and lots of scotch tape... we all could hardly wait to see what he had come up with.

He "regifted" a jump rope he had recently gotten as a prize in Kidz Church.  We all laughed.  And he was quite smug and proud of his gift.

This past weekend we carved pumpkins.  Turned out to be a major production.  We bought one of those stencil kits.  Ryan picked this crazy skull phantom like thing.  Kelly and Laura craved it out for him.  They did an awesome job.  I carved Hannah's pumpkin into a kitty face, the rest of the time I separted seeds from gunk so we could roast them.  It was fun.  The kids had a blast, I think we broke off three of our little pumpkin carving knives.  There was some pretty intense carving going on!

 

Last night finished my quilt,  took me approximately ten months!  Much longer than anticipated, and a little pathetic since it's not even that large of a quilt.  But its done, I love it and am very happy.  Can't wait for a nice chilly afternoon to curl up on the couch with it, a book and a cup of tea.

I'm already eager to begin another. Not sure what to do next. I still want to make a new bed sized one for us. Still want to do the double wedding ring pattern. But its so hard. Maybe if I start now I could finish it by our twentieth anniversary. ;)

Or perhaps I should start Hannah's bedsize quilt, I made the others theirs when they were 3.  Can't believe she's about to turn THREE in less than two months.  I have a pattern all picked out (since before she was born).  The name is Happy Hannah, I found it shortly after we settled on a Hannah as her name. 

Ryan was born.

Yesterday marks Ryan's 7th birthday. 

He has grown up so much this year.  He is loosing that little boy look.  He started 1st grade this fall and is doing great in school. He was very proud to get 100% on his very first spelling test.  It is very exciting to hear him learning to read and to see him reading stories to his little sister. He played football for the first time this year, for his last game this past Sunday he was the starting quarter back.

He is such a sweet, sensitive boy.  I am happy to be his Mom. <3

 

Sometime yesterday I started feeling frustrated and discouraged....wishing I could find a way to change the path I'm on...frustrated with my "job", my living circumstances, etc...and naturally when you open that door, more and more discouragement pours in...Every now and then I heard strains of scripture trying to break through...like "And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19 and "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7.  But before I could focus the voices of doubt and frustration yelled all the louder drowning out the quiet voice of His Spirit.

This morning I was still feeling blah, discouraged, not wanting too face to day but crawl back to my warm, comfy bed.  Instead I poured a cup of coffee and settled down with my Bible and Devo book.  My eyes came to rest on the refrigerator where Ephesians 4:29-32 stared back at me and phrase jumped off the page at me "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs....Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger...Be kind and compassionate to one another..."

Then I glanced down and saw my reading from Sunday School peeking out of the pocket on my Bible cover.  We are studying You were made for More by Jim Cymbala; this is what the passage I had said-
I'm also reading a devotional book I bought a couple years ago.  I read 2/3's of it at the time I purchased it.  It is called The one year book of HOPE.  At that time my life was dark, I needed ALL the hope I could get.  I'm not sure why I set it down.  Probably just got something new and exciting I just HAD to read.  I know I have picked it up a few other times when I needed some Hope, like when my Grandpa died, when we lost Jared later that same year...  I decided its time to finish it.  Hope was one of the things I was supposed to bring home from retreat.  Now its alluding me...perhaps I just need to use the tools already in my possession.
The verse at the top of my page this morning was "Don’t think only about your own affairs, but be interested in others, too, and what they are doing." Philippians 4:2 NLT, this immediately gave me pause as I have found before when I have gotten wrapped up in my own petty troubles there is something bigger I should be doing, something the devil is distracting me from, like praying for a fellow housewife or someone else who needs prayer.

Again I reminded of the simple truths we learned at retreat.  How God wants to spend time with us, how He tries to communicate with us, if only we will shut up long enough to listen.

I've had a lot rolling around in my head the last couple days, I've been trying to pull all the thoughts together enough to get an entry out.  I thought I had it once, wrote it all out in my head while I was driving but alas when I sat down at the computer it escaped me.

It all started yesterday as Hannah and I were driving to the steering meeting for MOPS.  She wanted to listen to Camp Rock, requesting that I "turn it up".  So there we were cruising down the road, Camp Rock blaring, singing our hearts out.  The lyrics of her favorite song struck a cord with me...could have been singing about myself...

Lyrics to This Is Me :
I've always been the kind of girl
That hid my face
So afraid to tell the world
What I've got to say
But I have this dream
Right inside of me
I'm gonna let it show, it's time
To let you know
To let you know

This is real, this is me
I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be, now
Gonna let the light, shine on me
Now I've found, who I am
There's no way to hold it in
No more hiding who I want to be
This is me

I have always been "the quiet girl".  Always. It takes extreme effort for me to open my mouth and let people know how I really think or feel.  The past couple years though I have been growing.  Enough that I can look back and see how far I've come.  A few prime examples~

1. Our Desperate Housewives group, has expanded to include some new mommies...I am now genuinely psyched when we have a new Housewife join.  A few months back when we first explored the possibility it made me sick to my stomach. 
2. RETREAT- I actually enjoyed being in a cabin with some different ladies both last year and this.  I would say several years ago the thought of rooming with someone I didn't really know probably would have been enough to keep me at home.  This year in particular I had a blast in our late night dish sessions.
3. This last one happened as recently as last Sunday.  For the past several weeks I have been filling in teaching Mikayla's Sunday School Class.  Now I have gotten fairly comfortable teaching children.  BUT I always feared teaching the children in front of other adults, even perhaps being overheard by someone walking through the hall.  This past Sunday was my last Sunday to sub, when Mikayla and I arrived Mrs P, the regular teacher was there already starting to pull out the lessons etc...She asked if she could sit in the class.  I had a moment of inward panic but naturally smiled widely and said "SURE!"  Class was great though.  After a couple deep breaths I was able to begin, and go through the lesson without worrying that the regular teacher and incidentally MY teacher as a child was sitting at the table listening.
4. I have also had a few people lately tell me I'm not as quiet as they initially thought.  This makes me smile.

Our steering team is reading Life on Planet Mom, (the theme book for MOPS this year) as our devo/bible study.  Yesterday we discussed the first chapter.  At one point I was asked to answer a question.  I felt like I was in high school again as every coherent thought flew out of my brain.  I finally spit out some kind of answer but I'm not even sure how much sense it made.  The question I had to answer was What part of mothering has personally stretched you the most? And even now sitting here looking at it again, I guess I'm not sure of the answer.  I guess part of the reason is I feel like I always was a mom.  I had Mikayla at 19, so I never had a life of my own.  I went from being a kid to being a mommy.  I never had a career or even went college, being a mom in a way feels like the only identity I have ever had.  Sometimes I feel panicky when I look at my almost three year old realize soon they won't need me anymore, they'll all be off at school and I will have to find an new identity.  Who will I be then?

I'm really not worried about it, I'm enjoying the journey one day at a time.  I know when I get to that point God will have a place for me to fit.  Today I am mommy.  That's who I am, I am happy, I am fulfilled.

As far as the question from MOPS yesterday, as I already stated I have grown and been stretched, I just don't know if it is from being a mom or just growing up, and growing into the Woman God wants me to be, a woman after His own heart.

Today was a Hannah Mae day.  Just her and me this morning.  I had thoughts of going to storytime or doing this or that.  We opted to stay home.  It was cold, rainy and I just didn't feel like doing much of anything, let alone venturing out of the house if I didn't absolutely have to.

So we watched The Hannah Montana Movie yet again.  I made her some new playdough which she thought was like the best thing EVER! She played with it most of the day.  She missed her buddy Makenna though.  Asked about her constantly.  Even set a side some playdough and cookie cutters on the counter for her.

Lunch was pretty much blissful.  She decided she wanted to sit on my lap.  A rare event where we are sitting down eating lunch together anyway.  Usually I feed the kids lunch first and then eat mine after they go down for naps so I can relax.  But today I fixed us some tuna sandwiches and left over potato soup from last night.  She curled into my lap.  Snuggling down after each bite, cuddling close.

One a complete side note everytime I eat Tuna fish these days I remember when Mikayla was around 4 she used to quote one of the opening scenes from Lilo and Stitch whenever we had tuna sandwiches for lunch. 

Mikayla who loves Tuna, thinks its fun to recite the line from Lilo and Stitch  "Do you even know what Tuna is . . .  It's fish!  If I fed Pudge fish I'd be an abomination!  I had to go to the store and buy peanutbutter because all we had was stinking tuna!!!"  For those of you who don't know, Pudge is a fish, whom Lilo claims contols the weather.